Hi I’m Temperance and I like writing stories. I chose this piece of writing from term one because I had worked super hard on this story. This short story is about a girl whose parents go missing and she has to find them.

Now I would like you to read this piece of writing, and I would love it if you could make a comment for me. 

Something hit me in my neck. Everything turned black. Electricity zapped me under my skin. I woke up with a shock. I went to look in the mirror.

Although everything was blurry, everything looked fine except for a little machine on my neck that I can just make out.

I couldn’t walk properly – in fact I could barely feel my legs and I nearly fell down the stairs. Then I yelled in a croaky voice.

“Mum? Dad?”

I cautiously walked in the lounge and found no one was there. I looked outside.

“ Their cars are still here and so are their shoes. I have to find them.”

I think my power is here until I find my parents.

I turn to the kitchen and see a note on the fridge.

It says,

“If you want your parents back you have to go to the old house at the end of Pukeko Place.”

I bolted out of the house to find the kidnapper.

An hour later, I found the old house where my parents are.

I carefully and cautiously opened the old wooden door. Maybe I should turn back. I thought about my parents.

“I’m going in.”