MADDY’S 100WC IS AMAZING!
‘Bang’ the noise echoed, my eardrums ringing, The smell of gunpowder drifting through the air.
‘Bang’ there it goes again.
I start to run following the sound of the shots. Next thing I know I see the most horrible sight, poachers shooting continuously at a defenceless elephant. It takes a few steps, stumbles, and then collapses under broken bones, its eyes fading, with its wrinkly skin like the skin of an avocado.
It lies lifeless on the ground, its head laying on a carpet of purple flowers.
I wish I had gone to Fiji with my mum to see seahorses.
Wow what a piece of writing. Tears are slipping from my eyes at the picture you have created in my mind.
Maddy you have gotten better. This story is very well written, you have good punctuation, and I like how you have replaced some words and used more descriptive ones. I like your ending it gives your piece of writing a nice gentle touch.
I look forward to reading your next piece.