JOE IS HIDING FROM THE BEES.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’d been hiding underwater from these killer bees for hours. I couldn’t come up for breaths very often, so when I did I had to be fast. I didn’t realize they would wait so long just to sting me.
Then I hear a loud noise, it’s a truck. I stay underwater just in case the bees are still there. Suddenly a hand grabbed my back and pulled me out.
He was as surprised to see me, as I was to see him.
“WHERE ARE THE BEES?” I screamed frightenedly.
“He calmly stated,” They are gone.”
Dear Joe,
Your story was very enthralling and interesting. Great job. Keep it up.
Sincerely,
Julia, Grade 5, Illinois, USA
Hey Joe,
I really enjoyed reading your story. You described Joe’s situation with great detail and showed how afraid he was. I felt scared for the character. Great job!
From,
Lily
Hi Joe,
I really liked your story and I thought it was very interesting. What I got from your story was dystopian future vibe with a bunch of killer bees. I think that the only thing that you could have done better is be more descriptive with your setting and where the story takes place. Other than that great story.
Keep Writing,
Jayden, Grade 7, Illinois, USA
Hey Joe,
I enjoyed reading your story as it was interesting and involved a cool idea of killer bees. One error that I found was that one of your lines were not quoted properly. In the story it was stated as: “He calmly stated,” They are gone.” when it should have been, He calmly stated: “They are gone.”. I also liked the notes about the character’s movements when he was hiding in the story as it helped me get an idea of what it must’ve been like. Overall, your story was great and I hope to read more of your works.
-Angela
7th grade, Illinois, USA
I, love your story it was amazing. There was one mistake that I saw you need to indent at the beginning of your story. But over all it was fantastic.
Dear Joe,
I like how your story flows and you you used the prompt. One thing i would like to know is how he stayed underwater for hour hiding from bees. Otherwise, I really liked your story.
Sincerely,
Karsten
Dear Joe,
One thing I liked about your story was the creative premise and building of suspense. However, I did find a few tense/grammar errors in your story. At some parts (I screamed frightenedly), your story is in the past tense. At others (Then I hear…), it is in the present tense. As Angela stated, there are a few other structural errors. Another thing I liked about your story was your descriptive writing. It helps with your creative premise and makes this an excellent suspense story. Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Rebecca B.
(I commented on Joe.)
Hi Joe,
I liked the ending of your story, and how it was a cliffhanger but still ended the story quite nicely.