SOPHIE IS WITH THE BEES.
They were everywhere, I couldn’t escape them.
I don’t think the government expected them to take refuge like this, but I can’t help taking the bee’s side, after all the things they did for us, we respond with climate change and problems alike.
I looked around and caught a glimpse of a house near me.
Massive, golden bees were perched on the house, claiming it for their own.
Screaming people were being tailed by angered bees, I don’t know how we are going to recover from this disaster.
Seconds later, a sharp pinch awoke me from my trail of thought.
This is a master piece ,I enjoy the suspense. I have no doubts about it. I also like the global warming aspect!
Dear Sophie,
I really like the story you wrote. I also like how you incorporated the prompt into your story, and how your story flows together. As well as your spelling and punctuation.
Devi,
Grade 5, IL, USA
Wow, great story. You made it flow and showed how the character felt about the scenario. I like how you made it like a story and not just something that can’t have a sequel. Great job and I’m looking forward to read more of your work.
Hey Sophie,
I love this writing piece, the storyline is very detailed and creative. I love the detail you used and how you described the problems. Great job!
Sincerely,
Lily, Grade 5, IL, USA
This was a great story. Great job incorporating the picture prompt. Keep writing!!
Dear Sophie,
I really enjoyed that the protagonist sided with the bees. It also shows her thought process for her choice, and the description of the bees attacking is well-written. For the first two paragraphs, I have a suggestion. You could turn them into smaller sentences rather than a couple larger ones. Besides that, your entire story is written very nicely.
Dear Sophie,
I like how you had the bees be a thing that caused an apocalypse in the world. One thing that you could change is the disaster, how did the bees escape? why are they so big? Other than that, good job. Cheers!