HUNTER’S GOT SOME ALIENATED BEES!
As the alienated bees fly on the roof of the Waspville doughnut shop, the police come to the scene of the crime.
“Doughnuts!” shouts Bobby the fat one.
“Oi! Get to work, nobody cares about the round things,” said Jimmy the skinny one. But the fat one was already in the shop.
“I got 13, 1 for you, 12 for me,” says Bobby excitedly.
“We will have them after, but right now we have to get to work,” Jimmy tells Bobby annoyed.
Hours of work killed the alienated bees. They were covered in blood, so they happily ate the doughnuts.
Dear Hunter,
Your story was interesting and I enjoyed reading it. I really liked the way you put in dialogue!
From,
Eileen, Grade 5, Illinois, USA
Dear rakau19,
I really enjoyed your post. It was funny and I liked how you added that the bees were alienated. You added good description. I will be looking forward to more of your posts.
Your friend, Samuel 5th Grade Illinois
Dear Hunter,
I really enjoyed reading your take on this prompt. You told your story very creatively and described what was happening really well. Keep writing!
-Elizabeth
Hello,
I liked your story, it was creative. I enjoyed reading it. Donuts made it 110% better.
-Elizaveta
Dear Hunter,
I really enjoyed the life-like feel of the stereotypical fat policeman who likes donuts, with a twist, on how they need to kill alien bees. The story is very direct and can be clearly understood. Keep up the great work!
I loved your story. Very interesting. Your post had a lot of detail.
Wow creative writing! Make sure you check for commas! But, man now that I read your story I want all thirteen of the donuts! Good job!
Dearest Hunter,
Great job this week! Your story is very interesting, I honestly love to look at wasps, they are very fascinating. ( If they don’t sting! ) anyhow phenomenal job this week! I look forward to reading your next post, I am sure you will do just as great and maybe even better, you have a pretty large shot at winning, just try your best and you can do anything! I love doughnuts do you? What is your favorite type of doughnuts?
One of your readers,
Cora C.O
Hi, Hunter. I really liked how you had the one character who complained about his job, and the one serious character who always opposes him. The rumor of policemen loving doughnuts made into a reality here is funny and well-written. The action was clear to read, and you could tell what each character’s personality was. Keep up the good work!
Hi, Hunter!
I enjoyed the fact on how one of the alienated bees, Bobby, was doughnut obsessed, it gave me a good laugh. I was confused on what work the alienated bees were doing that made them die. Another thing I enjoyed was your idea of alienated bees as I was interested in your story by the idea of your characters. Overall, your work was great and I hope to read more of your works!
Dear Hunter,
I really liked the plot of your story. I was a little confused about how the bees were going to harm the police offices. I also thought your work is very clear can easily be understood.