LACHLAN’S WRITING IS ON FIRE!
Three weeks ago, my father told me we were being smuggled out of the country on a train. Even now, as the train ground up the hill I still couldn’t believe what was happening.
I was lost in my own thoughts when suddenly train doors flew open. My father was ripped out, just managing to grab the door.
“Here take my hand,” I shouted over the howling wind.
He grabbed it but it slipped.
“Hold on!” I said.
“ I’m trying to hold on!” he shouted. But then he was ripped away by the wind and I never saw him again.
I liked the descriptive word usage, and how the characters seem so lifelike. It was an interesting story and you could probably make a sequel.
Great story!
I like how you wrote in a manner which I felt like I was sitting right there! Keep it up.
Aidan, Grade 5, Illinois, USA
Dear Lachlan,
WOW! That was intense. The beginning was great- the whole story was fabulous! I truly felt my heart beating for the father. Although the story was a sad one, I loved it! Great work!
Sincerely,
Angelina in 5th grade from Illinois, USA
I really like your story it was creative and fun.
Really good job! My only advice is maybe next time have a happy ending! But man that would be frightening!
Amazing story!
If there is an award for this week I would immediately give it to you! You are a great writer! Keep Writing!
Elizabeth, grade 5, Colorado, USA