JORJA’S NIGHT VIEW
Looking into the distance a shimmer catches my eye. I stare into the dusk-lit horizon and I notice the roundness of the moon. It peers through the tree almost like it is spying on me. The tree emerges from the ground warped and twisted like an old woman over a campfire.
Mist appears to seep from the ground wafting into the moonlit skyline. The sky is tinged with a purple haze and I wonder what lies beyond the hills. What covers the space between here and there, land or sea as my eyes deceive me in this night light?
JORJA – YEAR 7
Hello Jorja
What a great piece of writing! You have chosen some particularly evocative and effective language to create a brilliant atmosphere.
I wonder if you could look at the sequence of your sentences to improve your writing? I wasn’t sure why you started a new paragraph (not a change in time, place or manner). One way to write a description like this is to move in as though you are ‘zooming’ in using a camera, focusing on details to draw the reader into the depths of the setting.
I really enjoyed your last sentence, partly because it was longer and gave me pause to think.
Keep writing!
Mrs Badge
Team 100WC