ARE VAMPIRES REAL OLIVIA?
…the deafening screams echoed through the cold night…
I sprang to the surface of the freezing water as quickly as I possibly could. Gasping for air I tread the deep water, my head spinning faster than a fairground ride.
Every direction I look I see another body collapse either on the ground or into the black water.
The deafening screams echoed through the cold night, followed by wicked laughs from vile demons.
Suddenly a pair of devilish, red eyes meet mine. I watch cautiously as he drops his trembling victim. I notice the blood dripping from his fangs as he gets closer.
They did exist, vampires, were real.
OLIVIA – YEAR 8
So chilling Olivia – you pained fantastic visual pictures. You have me convinced in the situation. My tip for your writing would be check you are using just one tense – stay with past tense – it was working well. Thank you so much for sharing your very descriptive story.
Painted – sorry for my typing error
Thank you Mrs Richards. I enjoyed writing this 100WC and next time I write I’ll double check what tense it is.
Olivia Yr8,
Ashley School,
New Zealand.