JAMIE OUT ON SAFARI.
Speeding along the dirt track the safari jeep bounced all over the decrepit road. Then the truck halted with surprising urgency as our guide had spotted an enormous elephant.
The guide spoke as if he was David Attenborough. 
”Here we have an African elephant a very large male.”
Then the elephant delivered his speech, with an incredible jump followed by a landing that shook the earth.
With incredible speed, he suddenly began charging with unbelievable momentum towards the jeep. The face of the guide was struck with fear but everything became worse when the car decided it would not start!
JAMIE – YEAR 8
Hello rakau,
I really loved your story
I liked how it really got your blood pumping and thinking really fast about what was going to happen next.
A wish would be not to move so fast in your stories like focus on what the elephant’s speech was instead of what it was doing
Other than that,
I loved how you wrote it out and how you based this story.
If you would like, come check out my blog at eliza567mps