HERE IS RYAN’S POLAR BEAR STORY.
It was a crisp, clear winters day and it was well below freezing. I was driving the long ice road out of town. My four-wheel-drive started to make a weird noise. I stopped to investigate. I needed to call for a rescue vehicle. I was investigating the truck when I heard footsteps coming up to the truck.
I looked around from the back of my truck, when to my horror I saw a polar bear with its paws on the bonnet looking at me. Then I heard the rescue vehicle in the distance.
Would it get to me in time?
RYAN = YEAR 8
Hello Ryan, I like the detail you have provided in your story. You have chosen some really great words too that create interest in your story. The ending is super and gets your heart beating; what will happen next? Well done.
Hi Ryan
This is a great little piece and I like very much your descriptive opening sentence. The tense and uncertain ending is a good touch too as the readers will be left wondering!