IZAAC HAS TO ESCAPE THE CARS!
CREAK! the boat starts tipping on its side causing it to scrape the land, all of the passengers on board start freaking out.
Bang! I hit my head on a long rusty metal pole. The cars on board start sliding and rolling causing the tiers to pop. I run to avoid the cars from hitting me and crushing me.
The side of the boat is touching the land and making a loud screeching noise, hurting my ears.
I run and leap off the boat. I quickly run avoiding all of the cars from falling in the water and splashing me.
IZAAC = YEAR 6
I really like the way you have set your story in the present, Izaac. It makes it all feel very exciting and real. You have thought it out very well indeed, making full use of the visual prompt this week. There is a lot of good description. I particularly like ‘the cars on board start sliding and rolling causing the tiers to pop.’
Hi
I liked the fact that you included such detail in your writing and that you included a good base in your story but I think you could use paragraphs instead of sentences but I thought you did a really good job.
You can also check out my blog here and my 100 word challenge https://oliverslearningworld20.edublogs.org/2020/08/11/100wc-t3w4/