WHAT HAPPENED TO EMILY’S FRIEND?
It was a creepy Saturday evening. I walked the dark pathway to the pitch black, abandoned lighthouse to meet Sophia. When I got there, I looked around a couple of times but Sophia was nowhere to be seen, which was quite strange as she was never ever late.
I thought she might have hidden inside the lighthouse, so I firmly rang the old midnight blue doorbell. The door slowly creaked open and from up the cobwebbed stair case echoed a high pitched scream.
I would recognise it anywhere! It was Sophia, and a cold creepy shiver ran down my spine.
EMILY = YEAR 6
Hi, Emily
I liked your story a lot it gave me the creeps a little bit but it was also fun to read. One thing that I liked that you did was how you wrote “she firmly rang the doorbell.” It made your story sound more descriptive and I could understand the theme more.
One thing that you can improve on is telling us who the characters are – is Sophia your friend or someone else?
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