AMBER’S SEEING RED!

It’s a Thursday evening and our class takes a brisk walk over the pedestrian crossing to the school gym.

 Our over-energetic head of sports’ teacher sits us down and rapidly runs through the instructions.

  After getting divided into two even teams and having all placed our jewellery on the sideline bench, we lay ourselves on the solid wooden floor… SLAM! Everywhere I look I see fluorescent red dodge balls flying around. The sound of clamouring voices fills my ears as the students cheer for their teams. The smell of sweat fills my nose as I search around for my belongings.

6 thoughts on “AMBER’S SEEING RED!

  1. Hi Amber,
    Room 23 really enjoyed your piece of writing. My favourite sentence was your complex sentence about being divided into the teams. Chai and Eva like how you used your senses in your descriptions.

    From Ms N and Room 23, Karori Normal School

  2. Hello Amber, you have certainly used some great adjectives and adverbs to engage the reader in your story. Visual, sound and smell is used so that as a reader I feel that I am inside the story. Well done.

  3. Hello Amber, very nice descriptions. I liked how you showed imagery when talking about the dodge balls. You could use some dialogue. But it was a good writing.

  4. Hello Amber, very nice descriptions. I liked how you showed imagery when talking about the dodge balls. You could use some dialogue. But it was a good writing.

  5. Hello Amber,
    My classmate and I enjoyed your story very much. Your descriptions were very good I could see the dodgeballs flying around. I also like how you described the setting. I do think that you could have explained why you were searching for your belongings or explained what happened to them. Overall your story was great and I enjoyed reading every part of it.

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