Jack is first off the mark in Marmite debate!
The great Marmite and Vegemite argument
It was seven o’clock in the morning and I was getting ready to eat my breakfast.
Every day I have the real kiwi favourite of Marmite on toast.
!PoP! The bread jumped out of the toaster, I grabbed the butter knife and a jar of Marmite.
!Ring,Ring! My doorbell rang. I opened the door, it was my friend Jeff from Australia.
“Come in,” I said. He entered and the first thing he noticed was the red jar on the bench.
Jeff said, “Do you like Vegemite?” He knew what my answer will be.
“No,” I said, “I like Marmite.”
Hi Jack. I was reading your 100 word challenge and saw you said the prompt wrong.
You said. “No,” I said, “I like marmite.” But it’s actually. “No,” he said, “I like marmite.” You have said I instead of He. But besides that, it’s pretty good.
-Hunter
Thanks for the advice I will fix that up next time I make a new one.
Hello Jack, when I was reading your 100-word challenge, I noticed that you had a lot of onomatopoeia, I think that it is a nice touch. The dialogue was a little too robotic, and it felt like you were forcing in the: “No,” he said, “I like marmite.”
I also noticed that you wrote “I” instead of “he”, which is fine, that tiny change of who said it is fine. Your 100-word challenge was great.
Hi Jack,
I enjoyed your story immensely because of the onomatopoeia that you used in it. The sentence structure in your story was varied, and it made it easier to read. One thing I have to critique is that you only use “says” and “said” when describing dialogue, but it can make a story so much more intriguing in the long run if you have more descriptive words.
-Lena from Mrs. Christiansen’s class
Hey Jack. This is a student from Chicago.
I really liked how you named your challenge. “The great Marmite and Vegemite argument”. I thought the way you started the 100 word challenge was really creative, how you are waking up to enjoy your breakfast. One suggestion would be to check your grammar and punctuation, seeing as you have an extra “enter” between “…Jeff.” and “…from Australia.” And unless the word Pop! had an intentional lowercase “o”, then your novel is great!
Hi Jack! Your 100 WC was very good! I thought the back and forth dialogue was great. One thing you might want to change was your phrasing of the prompt as it is supposed to be “No,” he said, “I like marmite.” Otherwise, I thought your 100 WC was really unique.
Hello Jack. I really like your use of dialogue while staying with the prompt. Although the prompt didn’t give much action I think that you could add a twist into the story.
I really enjoyed the sound effects that you added into your story such as the toaster going “Pop!” and the doorbell ringing. If I had to change one thing about your story, it would be that you misused the prompt. I like how you introduced the character and I really enjoyed the way that you used the prompt. I also like how you ended your story. It was a very intriguing short story that I really enjoyed reading!
– Maura
I like how you used the prompt statement in a normal conversation. I think that next time try to include a little more context. Overall, great story.