Taidgh is sending his work from Cairns to New Zealand!
…’ What did I tell you about the lights?’
I walked into my room like any other day when I saw a slightly different colour of light on the floor. I looked up. ‘Oh no.’ I gently whispered, my lights were on!
Mum is very strict about wasting energy and if she found out my lights were on all day, it would be bad, bad news.
The next thing I knew I could hear mum coming up the stairs. I rushed back into my room but it was too late…
“What did I tell you about the lights?” she grumbled, while staring into what seemed to be my soul!
Taidgh – Year 8
Hello Taidgh,
Realising you had left the lights on and remembering your mum’s stance on wasting energy, you weren’t fast enough to turn them off before your mum discovered your error. I smiled as I read your story, especially your final sentence when mum seemed to stare into your soul.
My only suggestion might be the use of the exclamation mark at the end. Perhaps you could have used an interrobang (!?) after “lights” to show questioning and annoyance at the same time but that’s a minor point for a person showing developing skills as a good writer. Well done.
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia